translated by Pascale Giorgi
I wasn’t feeling like I belong to the big picture of the world
Everything
As soon as I touched it,
was stained
and ruined forever.
I couldn’t find any comfort in mankind
I saw no truth in other people's smiles
and neither in mine
They were funeral masks,
Monuments to fear.
looking at them
I wonder if they didn’t think that
in a moment
they would disappear
Like others before them
Like everyone.
I would have given to anybody my free will
so long as he would take me off
that sensation
I wonder to get sick
and no longer have to fight
Something invisible was preventing me from happiness
God should have made a mistake with me
He must had forgotten a piece
I would like to be chained
Or among nuns in a monastery
Safe from mistakes and from world’s falsehood
The necessary fiction to live was intolerable
I desired to be a plant, any kind of plant
Still, with no defense
I would have swiped with flowers
that cannot escape from being caught
that are intended to die on a whim
I went far from anything
but it wasn’t enough
And at that time I found you
It was the time to completely abandon me
I let you come inside me
And let you deprive me not only of the shell that I became
but that you ate my past
till leaving me
out of the time and of the space
With no more right
to have borders
I let the abyss to bring me away
Like dirty water
I wanted to take off from me the weight\burden of filling me with anything
And I became a monster
Made of white and fragile bones
A dust residue
at the bottom of a deep pit
With no way out